Confession #1: Admitting there is a Problem

Hello, my name is Julie and I am an emotional eater.

I don't know when it all began. I can't say it was a particular incident. I just like to eat. Any time I have some sort of emotion I want to eat.  Sometimes it is to reward myself and other times I think it is to fill a void. I eat when I'm happy, bored, sad, lonely, stressed etc. It is time to gain control of my life and not let my emotions dictate my weight. This blog is one way I can keep track of my journey.

Like most women, I have never been completely satisfied with my body shape or size. I have always had bigger hips and thighs. In high school and college I had to buy pants that were a size bigger just to fit my hips and thighs but then the waste gaped. At least during this time I was in pretty good physical shape. I played soccer in H.S. and in college I didn't have a car the 1st two years so I walked, a lot. I got married just before my JR year of college and I weighed 128 lbs.  This weight was with in normal weight for my 5'4" height. I was a size 8-10.

Halfway through my senior year of college I gave birth to my 1st child, a girl. I honestly can't remember what I weighed right before I got pregnant or at delivery. I just know I never got back below 140 before getting pregnant with baby #2, a boy, two years later. I gained oodles of weight with my 2nd pregnancy. At delivery I weighed 214 lbs. 2 weeks after delivery I was back into my pre pregnancy pants which were a size 12. I think I weighed around 160 lbs. Most of my weight gain was water retention because I had pre-eclampsia. It could also have been from the pan of brownies I ate almost every week of my pregnancy.

When my son was 10 months old I got pregnant again. I was somewhere between 160 and 170 lbs. I was 199 lbs when I gave birth to baby #3, another girl.  There was a period of time when my husband was gone for 3 months straight doing medical rotations out of state. I took this time to try losing weight and  I tried my first diet plant: the South Beach Diet. I lost 20 lbs and got down to a size 12 again. As soon as I went off the plan I gained the weight back. When baby #3 was 16 months old I was pregnant yet again. I was 174 lbs at the time of conception. When I delivered my 4th child I was 198 lbs. I remember losing that weight rather quickly in the beginning. In fact, I think after 2-3 weeks I was down to 165. However,  over the next 3 years that followed I gained weight. I was eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. My biggest hangups are baked goods:  breads, brownies, cookies, cakes. And we can't forget chocolate. Portion control is also something I battle. I can't stop at just one cookie.

I hit my breaking point in December of 2010 when after the Holidays I got on the scale and weighed over 200 lbs. I was wearing a size 18 in clothes but was pushing moving onto a size 20. I refused to buy size 20 clothing. I had to do something. I didn't want and still don't want to do a "diet". I don't want a quick weight loss solution. I don't want to have to take a special pill, shot, or drop. I need to change my lifestyle. On December 28, 2010 I walked into my first Weight Watchers meeting.

This was exactly the plan I needed. Weight Watchers is not a fad diet but a lifestyle change. I admit for the first couple of weeks food consumed my thoughts almost every minute of every day. As I adjusted to smaller portions, more veggies and fruit, and less refined carbs I felt great. The weight was coming off. I was losing 2-3 lbs per week. I had energy.

Then life started happening. In March we went to Florida for spring break. I didn't gain any weight while I was there but I didn't lose any either. I let my guard down and old habits started sneaking back in. I remained the same weight for about 6 weeks. During this time we had some life stresses associated with finding a new job, selling a house, purchasing a new home, and moving 4 states away. I was so stressed my hair was falling out and I started emotionally eating again. In May, just before the moving stress started, I was 172 lbs.last week I was back up to 178 lbs.  I have tried getting back to WW meetings but I now live in a small town and the meetings are not at convenient times.  I know the plan works so I'm going to give it a go by just doing it online and skipping the meetings. I think I may try to go to one once a month or every other month to get my weight "officially" measured.

So, here we go. I'm starting again and I'm asking for your support. I hope to write everyday about my successes and failures. I plan on sharing things that help me as well as recipes. I would love any tips and advice you may have as well.  I am Julie, and I am an emotional eater.